Have you ever had one of those conversations with a friend where you walked away feeling completely seen and understood? Maybe it started when one of you decided to share something a bit deeper — a fear, a dream or a struggle. That’s the power of vulnerability: it takes friendships beyond surface-level chats and turns them into real connections.
Being vulnerable and real with no filters has definitely become the base of my closest friendships – old and new. Without any sugarcoating or wearing masks, without the whole “I don’t want to bother you with my stuff, you have your own life to take care of” BS – I want to hear and share the whole beauty, mess and struggles of life. Even if we don’t speak very often, I always know I can pour my heart out to them and they can do the same with me.
People often think being vulnerable makes us weak but it’s actually one of the bravest things we can do. It allows friends to show up for each other in meaningful ways because when we let down our walls, we invite trust, empathy and deeper conversations into our relationships.
Yet, many of us hold back. We worry about being judged, rejected, misunderstood. But if we have to be worried and afraid of our friends’ reactions, are they really true friends then? Isn’t being real exactly what friendships need to be able to thrive?
Why Vulnerability Matters in Friendships
Vulnerability is the foundation of deep and meaningful friendships. When you share your true thoughts and emotions, you allow others to see the real you – not just the version that’s carefully curated for social situations. And I don’t think anyone dares to argue with me when I say that being real and having real friendships is what everyone needs and appreciates more and more in our increasingly busy lives.
The openness you create with your friends:
- Builds trust – When you’re honest about your struggles and feelings, your friends know they can do the same with you.
- Encourages empathy – True friendship isn’t about perfection; it’s about understanding each other on a deeper level.
- Creates emotional intimacy – The more we share, the closer we feel to the people in our lives.
Why We Struggle with Vulnerability
If vulnerability is so powerful, why do we then hesitate? Many of us have been conditioned to see it as a weakness. We fear rejection, embarrassment or being perceived as too much/emotional/deep. Adult friendships often become centered around casual conversations like work, travel, kids, the latest Netflix series etc. while deeper emotions are kept inside.
There’s also the fear of over-sharing. Not every friendship has the foundation for deep emotional conversations and we might hesitate to figure out where all of ours friends stand in this regard. But vulnerability doesn’t mean revealing everything at once; it means allowing yourself to be honest, little by little.
How to Be More Vulnerable in Friendships
If you want to build stronger, deeper friendships, here are a few ways to bring vulnerability into your conversations:
- Start small – You don’t need to pour all of your heart out immediately. Begin with small moments of honesty – sharing something personal about your day or admitting when you’re struggling.
- Lead by example – People are more likely to open up when they see you doing the same. If you want deeper conversations, take the first step.
- Be an active listener – Vulnerability isn’t just about sharing – it’s also about being present for your friend when they open up. Listen without judgment, and resist the urge to offer solutions or fix their problems .
- Know your boundaries – Vulnerability doesn’t mean revealing everything to everyone. Share with friends who have shown they can be trusted and who value emotional honesty.
When Vulnerability Isn’t Reciprocated
Not everyone is comfortable with deep conversations and that’s okay. Some friendships are built more on shared experiences than emotional connection. If a friend consistently avoids meaningful discussions, respect their boundaries. Just be aware of the types of friends you have as not every friendship has to be equal in depth.
The Takeaway
Being vulnerable with friends isn’t always easy but it’s one of the most powerful ways to create stronger, more meaningful relationships. When you open up, you allow your friends to do the same, creating a bond built on trust and authenticity.
So next time your friend asks you how you are and you’re tempted to say, “I’m fine” when actually you’re not, consider taking a small step toward honesty. You might be surprised at how much closer it brings you. And if it doesn’t, it’s a great way of filtering out who are your deep friends, who are the “situational” friends and who might not be your friends at all.